have all the time been complaining about life,goofing around like life dint give me what I sought the most.I am the most bizarre living being to be finally believing I exist in a society. Actually I don’t exist and I don’t blame the society,its rather my fault. I never let them sense my presence ,I always built great walls around me when it comes to meeting and talking to people.I rather complain I am an introvert,and I get recharged when I live in solitude.But things are different,if I really get connected to people,I tell them everything,my secrets ,I tell them every fine detail about me and my life to actually irritate them,and then I realized I am heading wrong.That may have actually helped me live the moment,but actually I have failed to live the conspiracy of life. I am not being social,I have just confined myself with a group of people I feel easy with,the reason I step back from the crowd……
I have always had lived inside a box,consoling myself I don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea.In doing that I have lost the strength and potential I was born with. I don’t value the worth of going among a group of people,even if it means I hate them.Hate is such a strong word but I cant do is hate people for no reasons.
I am lost. Lost in the facade ,creating piece of craps like this, really not unfolding life is a wrap of surprised mystery.I really have hard time to actually live the present,I live in a time,that has no bound that I have infinite fathoming of emptiness. So filling in the sphere,I go dumb,I am non existent,actually I am suffering from the delusional discomfort.I rant and say I am ugly ,my masters are beautiful,I can’t actually be them ….This guilt compels me to hate people for no reasons,to cut it short I don’t love ‘me’.
The reason every day is the monotonous definition of 24 hours duration. And sleep and awakening is the only chore…I never smile at strangers overthinking I am a flirt,and I never loved anyone because I have a hard time loving myself. The only reason I complain a lot about life, maybe God forgot to put the euphoria of love seedlings in me..I have been condemned to live each day,thinking I will change not for some other people,but the change to actually believe I live in a beautiful world of wise and happy people…And I belong to them completely..
And as I slurp tea from my favorite cup of tea, I can see my reflection smiling back at me satisfied 😀