Love or Singled?:D


They ask me ,Have I never fell in love?Most of the time,we notice is your nerdness and your unwillingness to socialize? Is there a problem,that keeps you irrational from being girl like others?Why? you are beautiful (not as in the perfect beautiful but if you define flaws are beautiful,yes you are )and smart(means you are strong,you go for what you want) but your ego speaks loud than you.What keeps you single?See around,your friends have found love of your life.Aren’t you worried of finding the right soul?or you are just not accepting you have found that someone?Please,as your well wishers,we do need to know about you,Your writings talk of broken love,or tragedy or silence that hurts,have you been through breakup that you don’t want to trust on anyone anymore?what keeps you so egoist? …


These are the questions that haunts me sometimes in my life,not everytime .Though the often time,I am busy living my life,my dream and my passion.When someone asks me such,I feel lost,I mean I feel I never bought myself time for love.Love has been so costly for me,since now its difficult to buy love,I go angry.I have realized life was never bothering me this bad.But when things like this come,I be like ,Can I rewind the time?and make everything happen again,the things I have lost,the things I ignored,the things I avoided thinking it will ruin my aim and my family.To all of you,who have been so much wanting to know If I had ever been in love?I have been in love every now and then,yesterday ,today and even now,I feel spellbound to some people who are fond of me.Love travels in different forms but if you talk about relationship type of love,I don’t  know I cant accept I have been.I know its late to realize but I don’t know what love feels and tastes like.I have tried because people around me said,love is beautiful but I cant get a grasp of it.I kept wondering whether falling in love with your crush was love or infatuation,or liking someone who doesn’t exist is love?And to all of you who are worried about me being single?don’t worry,love is not bound to happen over time,it doesn’t come with a time tick.if love would come my way,it may happen today or tomorrow or unfortunately never?I am not so worried,but then when many of them start parading you with hell load of questions like?So you never have experienced your first kiss??Noone gave you a teddy in your birthday or there’s no one to send you a goodnight message or say I miss you baby over time ..Don’t you sometimes want to feel all of this>


Well,I am a human.I would love to have all these.I would love to have someone caress my hair and say look you mean a lot to me.I do wish to have someone applaud with tears in his eyes ,you are meant to achieve success,I am proud of you.I await to help him with the best I can.But beyond all this,I have not been expressive of love.I may have fallen in love many times,but I don’t know if that was so called ‘relationship ‘ love.Because ,love is so vague for me.Growing up to be an introvert and not an outgoing,love and realization is still so hard for me,engineering is easy in front of it.And my dear people,don’t you worry about me,because worrying wont find me a love and I am not in a haste to find love that last only a split second of time.When I love,there will be musics play hard in the air,the aura will be different .Loving him would be different,the so called relationship.And even realization when still single I am,the guy that I love will be the one for whom I will change,because time runs fast,I have to change cause I have flaws of being tomboy,or not polite or not socialize , I will change the indifferent in me,I will be a better self,if he promises me,he will accept me not the way I am but to improve the way I am.And if true,the love will be unconditional,not like such immature love over for gifts,or some physical appearance or richy rich..


And I am actually drained of replying to all your consents on me,I am single ?Not because ego keeps me from finding the right guy,but the heart doesn’t knows what to do…Still a tiny bie when it comes to love.But yes like you all say,I have to be matured,and find him soon,because the more I await,only the bones will smell old and no one would poke an old bone anyway …



Much love ,



Cup of Tea


have all the time been complaining about life,goofing around like life dint give me what I sought the most.I am the most bizarre living being to be finally believing I exist in a society. Actually I don’t exist and I don’t blame the society,its rather my fault. I never let them sense my presence ,I always built great walls around me when it comes to meeting and talking to people.I rather complain I am an introvert,and I get recharged when I live in solitude.But things are different,if I really get connected to people,I tell them everything,my secrets ,I tell them every fine detail about me and my life to actually irritate them,and then I realized I am heading wrong.That may have actually helped me live the moment,but actually I have failed to live the conspiracy of life. I am not being social,I have just confined myself with a group of people I feel easy with,the reason I step back from the crowd……

I have always had lived inside a box,consoling myself I don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea.In doing that I have lost the strength and potential I was born with. I don’t value the worth of going among a group of people,even if it means I hate them.Hate is such a strong word but I cant do is hate people for no reasons.

I am lost. Lost in the facade ,creating piece of craps like this, really not unfolding life is a wrap of surprised mystery.I really have hard time to actually live the present,I live in a time,that has no bound that I have infinite fathoming of emptiness. So filling in the sphere,I go dumb,I am non existent,actually I am suffering from the delusional discomfort.I rant and say I am ugly ,my masters are beautiful,I can’t actually be them ….This guilt compels me to hate people for no reasons,to cut it short I don’t love ‘me’.

The reason every day is the monotonous definition of 24 hours duration. And sleep and awakening is the only chore…I never smile at strangers overthinking I am a flirt,and I never loved anyone because I have a hard time loving myself. The only reason I complain a lot about life, maybe God forgot to put the euphoria of love seedlings in me..I have been condemned to live each day,thinking I will change not for some other people,but the change to actually believe I live in a beautiful world of wise and happy people…And I belong to them completely..

And as I slurp tea from my favorite cup of tea, I can see my reflection smiling back at me satisfied 😀

A dark Valentine Love Story

It was about time I decided to write something in my blog.Since Valentine day was above head,why not do a little research in the field of love.Being an exclusive lover myself(I love things which do not make sense to most of the people my age :p),I decided being oblivious to how today’s trend on V day,well I brought up this story about Adolf Hitler and his last love Eva Braun. When people used to ask me why do you always intrigue Hitler and his life?I know that he has been a reason of 5000 million people death but I see in him the fire and the desire to actually get something.Well,he inspires me to be strict on what I want in my life. Well, this guy has been romantic maybe a hopeless one,he has been called a celibate, impotent,gay,homosexual in his 56 age to life but he has not been found sleeping with guys. It was believed he had an illegal child from a woman. Well ,I haven’t had a detail study about his relationships with other girls.The story of Eva,a 14 years old teenage girl who fell for this cruel man beyond the age limit and decided to love unconditionally. The time when wars filled the sky let along the earth, the love between them spoke in eyes,they shared each others heart with only the limit of their eyes. They didn’t use to date like lovebirds date today but the silent alleys and the isolated corridors would do the healing, the euphoria of the love between an antisocial person and a lovingly young girl was well beyond explaining. It was 40 hours to their suicide,they tied the knot of the marriage because they couldn’t live without each other. Hitler had to ebb away from the war he started because he knew that it was time he suicide because nothing was in his favor,yet along Eva who had loved him but also had stated that the worst of her life was when she fell for Hitler,that was the worst decision she decided letting her die named the last love to Hitler,the Nazi ruler.She ate the poison ,and sat peacefully with Hitler shooting himself to death on the mouth because he decided what if poison makes him suffer more.And the Russian opponents ridiculously strangle him to death on the threat to murder of his body. This dark love story was so dark,I felt Hitler did struggle his love life because of his power to dictatorship,he never fell in love letting everyone know,because he believed people forbidden him to love, because he was the most hateful gene that has been created. Well,we often have our dark side, but believe it or not we tend to love priceless some people,some thing that we fear others will take over if we died early and sudden. It maybe the reason Hitler killed his own dog,Blondie,smeared him to blood and died with the last love he would take away with him to nature’s unknown place.

Happy V day people!!!


She looked beautiful at any time,

She knew  how to put together her outfit

What about her puffy eyes,

She must have slept deep

Beaten over her head to pursue the dreams,

Isn’t scaring her of the consequences

She must have become the inquisitive learner

She enamored her boyfriend

She must have started loving herself first

Even when someone jeers about  her,

She knows ‘Anger is repenting for the mistake of others.’

She has poignantly changed,

Under the confines of her society

She stands in front of the mirror,

‘Not to find  beauty on the way she has dressed’

She finds herself beautiful

Coz she manifests love, hope and projection without utter

Teej And Newars

Of the many notable festivals marked red on the calendar, where it is customary for people like me to eagerly await off day from work or college.Bhadra,a month of womanhood,as I am bound to Hinduism.Here,I am not influencing anyone or confluence  any ideas to  a certain religion, I believe in  omnism.The main forum I am to present here, is just to talk about my ideology on regards to Teej and Newars,their divergence.  Please don’t think of it as a contentious issue.I know that every religion  are drawn upon their own discipline and  methodology. I am not telling that Kathmandu Valley is the regime of Newars and the diaspora of Brahmin/Chhetri people rooted their culture here for few years now. We are the dominant ethnic groups of Kathmandu Valley,but what have we learnt for the past few years when It comes to celebrating feast and festive, we never stop being sanctimonious in a sense boosting of our vast culture, the everyday festivals. But being a typical Newar,we don’t celebrate the nitty gritty of any festive in particular. We just celebrate it as our existence  to remain ,we want to preserve it for our descendants  .So,about Teej , the main attraction is the woman huge devotion for the males.  It is a solicitation where women express their deep respect or prayers for the prolongation of their life of husbands or unmarried girls pray for dream boys ,agree it or not. I don’t understand why Newars don’t feel the urge to celebrate Teej,is that they fast for their male partners every day or they have strong disbelief on Shiva,the consort of their partner? Or maybe they don’t allay fears that misfortune may follow their husbands and life.Is it the reason we aren’t hyped up with Teej around the corner?? This question always lingers in my brain,and I am left unanswered .Anyways Happy Teej people J

The reasons I hate 2072 BS so far

I dint Know life would be such,that we desparately need the entities that are basic to our survival. After the indians unofficial bloackage and the fuel crisis and gas unavailability hitting the news bulletin in Kathmandu Diaries, probably the hill and valleys affected the most, I am thinking about ‘Maslow’s hierachy of needs’ .As per his theory, unless the lower order needs are satisfied ,we are unable to move or proceed to higher order needs and personal development. Wait on, how about the republican federation of Nepal ,first Lady President to be sworn? Thats an achievement, right? Her needs, She doesn’t seem to be touched by the current fuel crisis,She has been rewarded a BMW, tadhaa…..
She has people to care about. I din’t place KP Oli’s name at the front desk lol…Now say what,This man and this woman?are we to bitch about !! About the assasination ,actually that occured in Das Dhunga, however referred as jeep accident, the general communist MAdan Bhandari,husband of Bidya,must be happy his wife justiced his death. Well,leave the dark stories between Oli and Bidya. Its high times to think about ‘Oil ‘ then Oli. hell right, I have to walk ,walk is good , my body that has deposited fats would slowly kill fats ,and I will then have what called zero figure. Seriously,dreaming ain’t that boring though.
So, where was I . I totally jumped out from the topic!!! Like I said our life has been in reverse gear, once we thrive in for getting basic needs, when will we re think about the developement and planning resilience for future after the trauma we got from the earthquake. the wrangling politics, can’t they develop well diplomatic relations? Is it because they aren’t as educated as Girja Prasad Koirala,or let alone be Bishwesor Prasad Koirala,or MAdan Bhandari,who has oppressed their life for the benefits of people,they were mutinuous,believed in solidarity. They din’t mind getting exiled. maintaing a well diplomatic relation with the neighbouring country ,is it that hard? din’t mean to bend your knuckles over the supreme heads for the fulfilment of our basic needs, but atleast though not educated, you can atleast try come to a solution. What are these crisis we are headed to, are we to live into these tandem,and finally relinquish our life ,as the people from stone age?I don’t need this constitution!!


The Reader-Synopsis

After watching “The Book Thief”, and developing some frame works on post Nazi Germany or the Holocaust, I jumped into “The Reader “. Kate Winslet is one of the stunning woman,I would not stop a glance. She deserves the reason being called an Oscar star after all. This movie is blended with its thought provoking and teensy soft core porn ,at it ends revealing its subtlety.

This movie  opens in a guy of 15 years age,weak and barfing of scarlet fever in the street.Hanna,officer working for railroad shows some motherly care. Days by days Michael seems to have crush on her,and the camera and some screen editing plays swiftly in deflowering of the love,of a discreet affair. Being obssessed in  sex,she asks him a favor,to read her books,before they make out. This is the reason, the director must have tried to tangle more dramas here.

The film lost in time,moves  to 8 years later ,when Hanna vanishes inscrutably and Michael as being  a student of law,is taken aback when he finds Hanna as defendant in the courtroom. She was one of the series accused for murderous crime as Nazi prison guard. The times when he first met her,and the way she acts military and hunk,and the way she hid her identity,alludes  the audiences.

During the case proceedings,the prosecutor asks her to confess  whether she wrote the report on the blame of death of 300 young women in a fire, here the movie moves on from an ignorant Nazi prison guard to, pathological character. Michael could have reconcile the differences he had once had with her,though for her unforgiveable guilt. But Michael tears apart from the trial as Hanna herself is embarrassed she is illiterate and defends the case,and Michael is afraid to disclose their torrid affair and he thought it was her ultimate choice whether to be found guilty of a war crime .Its the shameful secret Hanna hold on to,the reason she charged herself as  prison guard to hide her illiteracy.

This film is about the  old scars of the  war,that  embalms the horror of the Nazi and Jews community and let us  to pity on a prison guard. And as for Michael the transition to guilt ridden man. The movie ends in a careful manner, Hanna learns to read and write,as Michael sends cassette of his voice taped briefing stories,as he has to forgive Hanna  to cure his deep scars. But the fallen pride of Hanna,as she decides to suicide on her day of lease,drown in guilt of enormity of her sin, the typical Holocaust movie and a trope.

Girls and gossips

Gossip is an idle talk, the only  thing with which either people weave a lie or weave the truth. The superior  species,ie humans are  in the sense of their  intelligence and  the only ethical advantage is they can communicate.  History reveals it,not all women are intelligent and it took ages to claim their basic rights and to voice their concerns.

So,here I go filling about gossips on the nosey women ,the thoughts for todays discussion .

Women understand the aspects of being a woman, so vaster they understand about themselves,they start the evoluntionary glitch of hating each other more. Woman are the lesser beings,they are the most

Suppressed and demonized entities although they are complementary to the male. They are the species needed for mating,and interbreed and reproduce the kind called homo sapiens. I will further not cling into this topic ,cause today I started off to write something on why gossips are popular among girls.

Being a woman myself, I am the meanest, selfish,nasty and most jealous creature to live on the world. I admit inadvertently,I can relate to other woman ,as the bitches that pass on snarky remarks,cold glances and back stabbing as it comes,when I walk on the path to achieving success. The  girls I call my bestfriends,are the ones who are sweet and light as they are infront of me. The ones I share my bonding with,also the ones, I initiate  my sexual interest towards the opposite sexes. But dueting   cause things to reciprocate, they stir up hatred  by adding twists on my words and eventually, making me the desparate kinds.  We ,women can’t handle the confrontation but we have that vindictive behavior because we feel threatened by the most to be like ourselves.  The men can see the instances of our drama,the  only way we can entice them to fall for us. That is the reason,they  mostly are targeted  by us. We are the selfish cowards who play off under guise of being friends. Its rather fascinating how women have their cliques and grouts .they are the  ‘back-stabber’ or ‘two-timers’ . they can do anything to  ‘fit in’ . most of that woman are emotionally unstable ,they can sabotage anyone  who lance into their rivalry.

My assumptions here may be iffy. We woman hate each other for no logical reason,but we still love to gossip  also we know we will be slagged off by the same ones behind our backs. But once we can gossip,we feel we nailed it. So ,I don’t want to write as much. ‘Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned ‘ ,probably holds true .

Night stealth mode

Soon when night sky  brisk  

Through the curtains, i glance at the serenity that stands aloof 

Speaks of the bizzare mental agony 

How life runs down to a symphony of death alarms

Anticipated but ignored 

Now night spring on us 

The whole world falling apart

Heartbeat pondered

Scary and  weaken

No one sleeps 

People go in stealth mode

To gain pace when earthquake hits again!!!!!

Synopsis ‘Revolution 20-20 ‘

I always have the habit of go-ogling before I choose random books to read.  So ,  before I jot down anymore, I was confused ? Was Revolution 20-20 and Two states refer the same book? It was because when I typed ‘ Revolution 20-20 pdf download ‘ to google search engine.It interrelated two states to the top! well,tacitly I found it !!Cheers ….

Here goes something I would consider readers should know

Like it happens each time,Mr Bhagat’s prolongue consists of meeting the person,in real and his efforts on narrating the story  based on his main character actor. This book is actually based on love triangle where Mr Bhagat thought of adding little contemporary drama on to it. So its a novel based on Love,Corruption and Ambition.

Gopal,Raghav and Aarti-the main plot character

Gopal ,son of a middle classed farmer, is compelled to apply for engineering  cause of his weak father . He is poor so is the reason society drops him aback. Even though Raghav can score best in his studies ,he wants to be the reason for the change  in the society, he is the defiant to social taboos – corruption ,bribery. Aarti ,the only girl character and her demeanor is  quite criticizing here. The readers feel her character is a spoof. Sometimes she is seen liking Raghav and sometimes she wants Gopal by her side. Quite of a drama here.

The story is so predictable at times, Raghav scoring a name in Engineering college  in first try and Gopal unable to  beat. And his weak father pushing all dreams on Gopal,his struggle to apply one more time for Engineering. Money goes in vain,when Gopal  drifts away from studies ,partly because Aarti and Raghav started relationship as he parted for studies and because he actually don’t like engineering?  comes home,father dies, total Bollywood ties !!!

Money,fame revolves round Gopal’s mind.More money means reputation ,fame.He gets exposed to Shukla,the corrupted political havoc,issues  and bribery to establish Engineering College.Side to side ,Raghav ‘s desire to change society,to bring revolution. The name for the book just has been cliche here, not so influential  but with flaws.An engineering student starts journalism here, why did he then study engineering? if that means he has all to do is reveal true color of the society? chaos everywhere, when Aarti starts seeing Gopal !! Drama ,total drama..

later ,Gopal builts up name and fame, have everything but his one last step,to make him a big hit !He sacrifices the love of his life ,Aarti after having spent nights with her?

it just seems Mr.Bhagat’s conceit to gain readers by love,affair. But this book is very predictable, if one pampers to read it as expected from “5 point someone ” or  “2 states” you may drop the idea here.

I give 3 /5 rating just because at last ,Gopal turns out a hero out of nowhere.!!!! KUdos,people  you betcha rate this book by yourself.

Sorry,Chetan Sir this book of yours was a waste. hope you muster enough patience to criticism  well before you start to write other books like this !!!!